Have you ever been afraid to feel your own sadness?
Afraid to stop for a few minutes, allow the tears to come, and discover that perhaps you can no longer get up?
Recently, during a session, a person shared a feeling with me that I hear often:
“I'm afraid to look at this pain. I'm afraid to start crying and fall into a bottomless pit.”
Perhaps you've experienced this feeling too.
Because I've certainly experienced it.
And if you're a mother, especially if you live far from your home country, you probably understand perfectly what I'm talking about.
The grief we often don't recognize
When we hear the word “grief,” we usually think of the loss of a loved one.
But there are many types of grief.
There is grief for the life left behind.
Besides the one for the family that's far away.
And also for the friends you don't see as often anymore.
Or for the career that had to be interrupted or reinvented.
Even more so because of the support network that existed before immigration.
Perhaps because of the version of yourself that existed before motherhood.
For many expat mothers, these griefs happen simultaneously.
And the most challenging thing is that, often, they go unnoticed.
Why do you keep taking care of the children?.
Besides continuing to work.
And solving problems.
You are still working.
On the outside, everything seems to be going normally.
But inside, there is a pain that has never found space to be felt.
The fear of feeling
We live in a culture that values productivity, performance, and resilience.
Furthermore, we learned early on that we need to be strong.
We must move forward.
Crying is a sign of weakness.
And that feeling too much can get in our way.
So we do what seems safest: we push emotions down and keep functioning.
The problem is that emotions don't disappear because we ignore them.
They remain present.
I often feel muscle tension.
Other times, like anxiety.
Sometimes I eat irritability.
Or even as constant exhaustion.
I always have that hard-to-explain feeling that something within us is asking for attention.
What is sadness trying to tell us?
In the view of Traditional Chinese Medicine, emotions are a part of the human experience and have important functions.
So, they are not problems to be eliminated.
They are messages.
Movements.
Natural expressions of life.
Sadness, in particular, invites us to a movement of withdrawal.
Because it invites us to slow down.
Looking within.
Therefore, reflect deeply.
To evaluate what still makes sense in our lives and what perhaps needs to be left behind.
So instead of seeing her as an enemy, we can start seeing her as a teacher.
A feeling that helps us understand what was lost, what has changed, and what needs to be integrated so we can move forward.
Tears have a function
Many people report feeling relief after an episode of crying.
This doesn't happen by chance.
Because tears can represent a form of emotional release.
As if it were an emptying.
A break.
Therefore, a natural process of internal reorganization.
In nature, closing cycles are as important as growth cycles.
Since before a new season arrives, something needs to end.
Leaves fall.
Fruits ripen and detach.
The earth rests.
It's no different with humans.
There are times when we need to allow something to be released so that the new can emerge.
No emotion lasts forever
One of the biggest illusions created by fear is the idea that if we allow ourselves to feel a difficult emotion, we will be stuck in it forever.
But emotions don't work like that.
They are temporary by nature.
Because they are coming.
They cross us.
And they leave.
Like the waves of the sea.
However, suffering often increases when we try to block this natural movement.
The more we resist, the more energy we spend sustaining what wishes to move.
This doesn't mean we should drown in sadness or dwell on painful thoughts continuously.
But it just means we can create space to acknowledge what we're feeling with kindness and presence.
An invitation for mothers who live far from home
If you are an expatriate or immigrant mother, you may be carrying emotions you've never had the opportunity to process.
You might be so busy taking care of everyone around you that you've forgotten to look after yourself.
Perhaps there's a sadness you've been putting off feeling for months or even years.
But if this is your case, know that you are not alone.
Feeling saudade is not a weakness.
And feeling sadness doesn't mean you made wrong decisions.
Needing to cry doesn't mean you're broken.
It just means you're human.
And that your body and mind are trying to process important experiences from your journey.
When to seek help
While sadness is a natural and necessary emotion, there are times when professional support is crucial.
If you notice that your emotional pain is significantly affecting your quality of life, your relationships, your sleep, your ability to work, or your self-care, consider seeking professional help.
You don't have to go through this alone.
Because there are professionals prepared to offer support, reception, and adequate tools for each moment.
Conclusion
Perhaps sadness isn't the bottomless pit you imagine.
Maybe it's just a door.
A door into itself.
An opportunity to understand what needs to be honored, processed, and released.
Emotions did not come to destroy us.
They came to help us navigate the human experience.
Because when we learn to listen to them, instead of fighting them, we discover there is wisdom even in tears.
**Important:** This content is for educational purposes only and does not replace psychological, psychotherapeutic, or medical consultation. If you are experiencing intense or persistent emotional distress, please seek help from a qualified mental health professional.